This is a difficult entry to my blogs. I used to wake up early everyday and do my mindfulness practices, stretching and then have coffee as I began to write. Entering the day in this way was peaceful and full of joy. Knowing I had some subscribers to share with gave me a sense of purpose and community. With the topic of self-publishing as a theme I had a view to a world of other writers.
Then I got sick. Metastatic Breast Cancer, bone cancer and nodules in my lungs. Surgery, treatment, palliative care and pain medication for cancer pain are what I deal with now as soon as I open my eyes. I can still walk but it is with difficulty. I can still type my blog post but the booting up and internet connection can take over 30 minutes to get online. I still write long-hand and then transcribe. What I used to do so easily is not accessible to me anymore.
I am fortunate to be married and have a good friend to keep me company, but he is having his own difficulties handling my illness. He has to do all the driving now as I can barely feel my legs.
I was able to start praying again in July.
Dear God,
We want to come closer to you.
We ALL want to come closer to you.
This pandemic has taken so much already
Each day feels like a crisis as we open our eyes.
We want to dwell in your heart, God
We want to feel your peace.
I thank you for everyone in my life who has shown up
to shepherd me through an illness with no cure.
I pray for all of us who wish to sit in your light and love each day.
I pray for all of us who are tenuously holding a connection to all that is good and alive.
Amen
During this time, where time seems to stand still, I take care of our 4 hummingbirds and the cardinals and squirrels.
We took in a stray cat a couple of weeks ago and took her to the Vet to have her spayed and get shots. We call her Allie. We got a call just after we got home and they said they could not find her uterus and there was no tattoo or tipping of the ear. We pick her up this afternoon. She must have wandered away from her home. We will continue to feed her and let her come in the house. We have to let her be an indoor/outdoor cat as changing litter is one thing I cannot do anymore with the medications I take. So much that was automatic before has to be gone over and re-thought. I do not know how long she will be with us but I am so calm when she curls up on my lap and so happy to see her sleeping on the sofa next to my husband.
Giving some pleasure to the animals helps make feel alive still.
Blessings to you all.
